


sins only an arrow missed

by lostin_space



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: M/M, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: matteo comes home a little less than sober(title: readiness is all by atta boy)





	1. Chapter 1

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you!  I love you!”

David watched as Matteo drunkenly twirled around the living room.  Or, at least he thinks he was drunk.  He’d gotten home to Matteo being more fucked up than he’d ever seen him and he was beginning to question just what he’d been up to.  He tried to channel the part of him that thought it was cute so he wouldn’t have to dwell on how concerned he was.

“What exactly did you take, Matteo?” David asked calmly, “I thought you quit smoking.”

“I didn’t smoke!  Abdi… Abdi gave me somethin’ for that concert we went to.  I’m okay, it’s okay.  I’m okay.” Matteo hummed, spinning a few more times before he collapsed on the couch.  Half his body was hanging off the couch.  David sighed.

“Why did you take it?”

Matteo let out a breathy laugh, “I don’t know.”

“Well have you eaten anything?  Is that the only thing in your system?” David asked.  Matteo sunk further and further until he was completely on the floor.  David took that as his answer.  He neared Matteo with a heavy level of annoyance, grabbing him by his armpits and hoisting him to his feet.  Only, he didn’t really know how to use them, proving to be deadweight.

Anything Matteo tried to say fell on deaf ears due to it being nothing but mumbling.  Not even just normal Matteo mumbling, it was worse.  David pushed down his concern as he placed the back of his hand against on Matteo’s forehead.  It was hot to the touch.

“Jesus,” David breathed, bringing him to the kitchen.  He kept one arm around Matteo’s waist, lugging him around the kitchen to get him something to eat along with a glass of water.

Getting Matteo to eat and drink was a bigger task than he wanted to sign up for, but it was the only thing he could think of to try to dilute how he was feeling now and how he’d inevitably feel in the morning.  David was already crafting his speech on why he shouldn’t take drugs.  It would have to wait until morning when he had a clear head.

Currently, though, he had to force feed him.  He was feeling a million things, but the main ones were anger and worry.  They seemed to battle in his chest on which overtook the other.  He couldn’t process what convinced him to take fucking drugs.  He didn’t even know if Abdi actually gave it to him because that didn’t sound right.  Abdi wasn’t the brightest, but passing around whatever-the-fuck at a concert wasn’t exactly his forte.  And, if so, then all the boys should’ve been as messed up, but Jonas had posted on his Instagram story with Hanna after the concert and he seemed completely sober.

Jonas wouldn’t let him get this fucked up, would he?

After getting Matteo to drink some water and having to keep him from choking more than once, David pulled out his phone.  He shot a quick text to Jonas and asked if he knew what Matteo took.  Maybe knowing what exactly was fucking with him would help David stop being so worried.

Except Jonas texted back and said he didn’t know that he took anything.  That, when he’d last seen him, he’d been fine.  Before David let himself freak even more, he texted both Abdi and Carlos to see if they knew.  His heart thudded so hard in his chest he could barely breathe, staring down at his boyfriend.

Matteo looked dead.  His face and neck were red and sweat was beading under his hair, his mouth hanging open.  The breaths he took were shallow and meaningless.  David couldn’t help as his eyes clouded with tears.  The last time he felt this hopeless was when the whole fucking school was laughing and staring at him.  Except this felt even worse because he loved Matteo and Matteo was…

Abdi texted back.  Probably nothing serious, he said.  David couldn’t decide if that was him covering his own ass or if he was covering Matteo’s.  Instead of stressing about that, he just locked his phone and shoved it in his back pocket.

David gathered Matteo in his arms, leading him towards his room with little resistance.  He tossed him onto the bed, his body limply bouncing in response.  David held his breath as he gathered something for Matteo to change into.  If he held his breath, it made it easier to focus on Matteo’s.

“Can I change you?” David asked, tapping on Matteo’s cheek gently to pull some sort of response from him.

“Huh?” Matteo groaned, his face screwing up as he swatting David’s hand from his cheek.  That was enough to relax him a little.

“Can I change you?” David said, his tone a little firmer.

“Yeah,” Matteo grumbled out.  David sighed, pulling his limp body up to take off the few layers of shirts he was wearing.

Again, he had to treat this like he would an infant.  It was a difficult feat and he wished he cared less.  He wished that he could just see Matteo being fucked up and get angry enough to leave.  Because he _was angry_.  Matteo had been doing good in every sense of the word, there was no reason he should’ve felt the need to take anything.  Especially without anyone knowing.  That wasn’t okay.  If it happened again after David lectured him, he would have to just leave him.  He couldn’t be his fucking keeper during substance abuse.

“I am so mad at you right now, Matteo,” David admitted as he tucked him in bed, taking his place beside him.  “I can’t believe you thought it was okay to take some shit and not know what it was,”  Matteo responded with something David didn’t understand.  Mainly because it was in Italian.

Still, David pushed his hand through Matteo’s hair.  Matteo smiled.

“Wasn’t lying when I said I loved you, you know?” Matteo mumbled, a hand moving up to pet David’s chest.  He breathed slowly, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.  

“Don’t do this shit again,” David said.  Matteo hummed, somehow moving closer.  David didn’t think he’d actually be able to sleep tonight.  He was way too busy trying to make sure nothing happened.

“M’kay,” Matteo said simply.

Within a few minutes, Matteo was asleep.  David spent the night making sure Matteo was still breathing and waiting for him to wake up.  He hated it.  He was never doing this again, he swore he never would.

Yet, when it did, he couldn’t bring himself to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> david gets some advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a request on tumblr (and on here) for a part two, so here it is!

Nothing was more pathetic than crying on the couch at three in the morning. **  
**

It was the fourth night in a month that Matteo had come home so fucked up he could barely walk.  No matter what David said, it didn’t seem to stop him.  He insisted that he wasn’t addicted, so it wasn’t a big deal.  Maybe he wasn’t addicted, but he still kept doing it.  It was stressful and it was annoying and David wanted so badly to just leave.  He wanted to tell him that if he did it again, he would leave and not come back.  He was tired of stressing over it, crying over it, dealing with it.  He could barely stand to look at Matteo anymore.

The front door opened with a soft creak as Hans tried to tiptoe in without waking anyone.  As soon as he heard it, David tried desperately to wipe his face clean.  He wasn’t that lucky.

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Hans said.  David sniffled, shaking his head as he continued to wipe his face clean.  Hans sidled up beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s never nothing.  You can trust me.” Hans insisted.  David gulped, resting his head in his hands.

“It’s Matteo.”

“What did he do?” If he wasn’t so upset, David might’ve smiled at the protective tone in Hans’ voice.  It didn’t change the fact that Matteo was unconscious in the next room.

“He keeps… he keeps coming home  _on_  something.  He won’t tell me what it is, but it’s scaring me.  He’s scaring me.  I can’t take it.” David admitted, allowing himself to sit up and put some weight against Hans.  He hugged him closer.  “I don’t like when he’s like that.”

“Did you tell him?” Hans asked.  David nodded.  He, in fact, had yelled at him multiple times for how much he hated seeing him that way and hated having to drag him to bed because he was so messed up he couldn’t take care of himself.  He was even more tired of the times he’d thrown up because of it or the times he’d wake up drenched in a cold sweat.  He was tired that he’d spend the day after basically comatose and then act like it wasn’t a big deal.  But it was a big deal and the fact he kept shrugging David’s worries off made it an even bigger one.

“No matter what I say, he doesn’t listen.  I feel like he doesn’t even care that he is actually making me miserable.  It’s to the point where I barely want to be around him.  Every night I’m scared he’s gonna show up like that again and I’m gonna have to take care of him and change him and stay up all night and make sure he’s breathing and  _I am so angry_.  I don’t even know what the hell he’s thinking.” Only, his proclamation of being angry was rudely interrupted by a sob.  His head went straight back to his hands.

“Oh, David.  I didn’t even notice.” Hans cooed, rubbing his shoulder.  David let out a shaky sigh, gulping tightly.  

“Tell me what to do because I just want to leave,” David admitted, shaking his head.  “I don’t know what else I can do, but I just… I don’t know how much more I can take”

Hans hugged him a little closer which helped him feel a little less ridiculous.  It’s not like Matteo was doing it every night.  The more David thought about it at an outside perspective, he felt irrational.  But, on the inside of it, it felt like hell.

“I honestly don’t think I can tell you what to do.  The best I can say is you need to ask yourself what’s more important: taking care of him or taking care of yourself?  I love Matteo, but if he’s making you miserable and willfully ignoring you when you ask him to stop, maybe staying around it isn’t a good idea.” he said, all of which David knew.  However, it made it more real to hear someone else say it.

He needed to put himself first.

“I’m scared if I leave he’ll just get worse,” David whispered.

“Maybe it’ll know some sense into him and he’ll see that you were serious.  Maybe he’ll either stop or ask for help.  I mean, he loves you more than anything.  I’m sure he’ll stop once he sees you’re serious.” Hans insisted, nodding his head.  He sounded so sure.  But he hadn’t seen Matteo and he hadn’t heard how flippant he’d been.  David couldn’t be sure he’d put up a fight.

“And if he doesn’t?  If he just lets me go?” David asked, finally facing Hans.  He gave a warm, friendly smile.

“Then he isn’t worth your tears in the first place.”

That was enough to convince David about what he should do.  He wanted Matteo to understand he was serious that he wasn’t just going to take care of him and accept this as the new normal.  It was stress he didn’t need.

When David had agreed to move in a few months prior, he had been nervous as hell.  He was going from sharing space with just his sister, to sharing space with four other people.  It had taken a whole lot of adjustment and he still occasionally locked himself in the bathroom to get a moment alone.  But now, as he gathered his belongings to stay back at Laura’s for a few nights, it made him sad.  As much as Matteo was irritating him and they’d barely so much as kissed in the last month, he’d still miss sleeping next to someone.

David felt he showed excellent willpower while packing.  He managed to only check if Matteo was still breathing twice.  The first time was when he knocked a picture onto the floor and Matteo didn’t even move.  The second was right before he left.  He left a note pressed to his chest that said he was staying at Laura’s and not to worry.  Before he left the room, though, he took it off.  Maybe Matteo could worry about him for once.

There was no need to slip out of the room, Matteo wouldn’t wake up anyway.  David’s body ached to leave the man he loved, but he was running out of options.  Matteo wasn’t stopping, he had to force him.

No matter how much it hurt.


	3. Chapter 3

It took two days.

David was pretty sure he wasn’t going to hear from Matteo again.  He hadn’t even gotten a  _”where’d you go”_  text.  It was absolute silence.  He was miserable.  Then he felt even worse when he remembered that he shouldn’t be the miserable one.  Matteo had gone too far and David needed to take care of himself.  Even if that meant curling up on the couch and watching romance movies for over 48 hours.

But when it had been two days since he’d left (two days and seven hours to be exact), there was frantic knocking at the door.

David got up slowly, barely cracking open the door to see a very disheveled Matteo on the other side.  He had massive dark circles under his eyes and he was still in the same clothes David had left him in.  He leaned towards the opening.

“Why are you here?” Matteo asked.  David furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?  I live here, why are you here?” David refused to let Matteo’s presence give him any false hope.  This could so easily be the very end.

“No, you live with me, so why are you here?  Hans said you left,” Matteo said, trying to push the door further open.  David kept it in place.  “David?”

“I live here.  I  _left_ ,” David reiterated.  Panic slowly built on his face as he pieced things together.

“Huh?  No, no, what’s wrong?  What did I do?” Matteo asked.  David narrowed his gaze.

“Why’d it take you two days to come see me?” David asked. Matteo tried to press open the door again through his confusion.

“You’ve been gone for two days?”

David scoffed, “Point made.”  He tried to close the door, but Matteo wedged his foot in between it.

“Talk to me!  Tell me what I did!” Matteo begged.  It was painful to hear, painful to continue to shut him out.  He didn’t have a fucking choice, though.  He’d gotten this far, he wasn’t going to back down, not now.  Matteo needed to get it.

“You honestly should know what you did.  The fact that you’re pretending you don’t tells me you really don’t give a shit,” David responded, admittedly using very little force as he kicked Matteo’s foot.

“Is-is this about the drug thing?  Dude, it’s just fucking Xanax,” Matteo said.  David furrowed his eyebrows, his grip loosening on the door.  Matteo pushed it open.

“Xanax?  How much are you taking for it to make you like that?  You literally become a corpse.  You almost stopped breathing once, Matteo, how much are you taking?” David demanded as Matteo stepped up to him.  “Will you fucking answer me?!   _How much are you taking_?”

“Dude, will you relax?  It’s not that bad,” Matteo said.  David scoffed and took a few steps back.  Did Matteo think he was stupid?  That he just thought people being unable to walk or feed themselves was normal?  Aside from playing it down, he also just thought it was okay to pretend that he was the one overreacting.  David wasn’t about to be blamed for caring.

“Do you not care how I feel?” David asked, “Do you think it doesn’t bother me when you come home off your ass?  Do you think I  _like_ taking care of you when you’re like that?  And I’ve told you over and over that I don’t like it, that it scares me, and you  _do it again_.  You don’t care about me, and you sure as hell don’t care about yourself.  I can’t be with someone like that.” David backed away as realization began to settle on Matteo’s face.

“Wait, wait, don’t‒”

“If you were taking it for your anxiety, that’s one thing.  But you’re not.  Or, or maybe you  _are_ , but you’re taking too much.  And I tried to help, I really did, but you didn’t even give a shit.  I’m not dealing with this.  You can leave,” David said simply, turning on his heels and heading towards his room.  Looking at him made it harder.  Everything was harder.  It almost made it worse that  Matteo turned up at all.  False hope is the worst kind.

“David, c’mon,” Matteo tried, grabbing his arm.  David pulled it away, but Matteo merely followed him.  “I’m sorry!  I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

“Yeah, why don’t I believe you?” David asked.  Then he found himself on the opposite side of the door with Matteo’s foot wedging it open all over again.  “Matteo, just go.”

“No!  No, I love you and I’m sorry.  Please don’t do this.  Don’t leave me,” Matteo begged, pushing his face through the crack.  He  _looked_ sorry.  That didn’t mean much.  He’s looked sorry before.  

“What?  So you’ll guilt me into coming home with you and then you’ll be okay for a week and then you’ll come home high off your ass again, and then what?  I’m just supposed to take it?  No, I’m done taking it.  You fucked up is  _bad_  for me.  I can’t even sleep because I’m constantly worried about you. I’m  _tired_ , Matteo. I love you, but I can’t.” David deserved a pat on the back for not caving.

That was the moment true panic started to leak onto Matteo’s face.  David could hear his breathing starting to pick up speed and his eyes began frantically moving around as he tried to somehow find the right words.  Neither of them was sure they existed.

“Wait, stop, please.  Please.  I’ll stop, I’ll do whatever you want.  Seriously, David, I can’t‒I need you.  I need you.  I’ll fix it, I’ll get better.  Tell me what to do,” Matteo begged, his voice cracking and for once he sounded sincere.

“You need fucking therapy, Matteo.  I don’t think you’re addicted, I think you’re self-medicating.  You need help.” David let the door go, letting Matteo in if he wanted.  Surprisingly, he kept his distance.

“Okay.  Okay, I’ll do,” Matteo agreed, nodding his head, “Come home, please.”

David furrowed his eyebrows, “No.”

“Why not?”

“Matteo, I’m not going anywhere until you  _prove_  yourself.  You’re not getting a prize for doing nothing,” David said.  Matteo gulped hard, his eyes closing tightly.  

The air around them shifted from tense to just uncomfortable in general.  David didn’t know where to go from here. Sure, Matteo had agreed to get help, but it was still a breakup.  Or, a loan, basically.  Get help now, get a relationship later.  That felt hollow and pathetic, but it’s all he had.  He couldn’t ruin himself for someone else’s false promises.

“You-you always run,” Matteo said weakly, his words a clear last-ditch attempt at making him change his mind.  There was nothing to change.

“I’m not running.  I’m trying to force you into helping yourself because me being there isn’t helping,” David said.  There was no anger in his voice, it was sheer honesty.  They both knew it.  They both knew whatever they were currently was unhealthy. Matteo’s head tilted back, tears building in his eyes.  David wanted so badly to comfort him, but that would be taking a million steps back.

He had just learned how to take them forward.

“I can’t sleep without you,” Matteo murmured, his voice cracking.  David licked his lips, shaking his head.

“Matteo, you didn’t even notice I was gone for two days,” he said, hoping that maybe he’d realize just how badly he’d been messing up.  “You do know we’ve barely talked in over a month?  Barely touched?  I can’t remember the last time we kissed, Matteo.  And it’s all because you’re either messed up or I’m worried that you will be.  You make me nervous being around you and not in a good way.  I  _know_  that you’ll miss me, and I will miss you.  But… we need to fix this before we move forward, okay?”

Slowly, Matteo nodded.

“You’re right, you’re right,” he said, “Look, I’m so sorry.  Seriously, I am.  I didn’t realize it was affecting you that way.  I know… I know you told me, but I thought you were just being dramatic and that’s absolutely on me.  But I love you and I want to be better for you, so I’m gonna work on this.  I promise.”

“Don’t… don’t do it for just me.  Do it for you.  You could do so much,” David insisted.  Matteo managed a small smile as he wiped the tears off his cheeks.

“Will I still get to see you?  You know, like, while I’m working on it?” Matteo asked.  David took a moment to get his own feelings in check and, once he knew he wasn’t going to ruin all his progress, he took a step forward.

“Absolutely.  Don’t think of this as me abandoning you when you need me.  If you’re going to get help so you’re not fixing yourself with almost overdosing, I’m going to be there.  I just don’t think we should live together while you sort yourself out.  I enable you too much,” David admitted as he grabbed Matteo’s wrists.  He placed kisses in the palms of both of his hands, relaxing along with the shaky sigh Matteo gave.  “I miss my boyfriend.  I’ll help you find him if you’re willing.”

Matteo’s eyes searched his face, blinking away tears.  It seemed to David that Matteo was actually going to be taking this seriously.  That in itself was a godsend.  He didn’t want to be over.  He wanted Matteo, he wanted his boyfriend.  He just also needed to be careful.  But if Mateo wanted, that’s what he wanted.

“I’m so willing.”


End file.
